Last week, I unfortunately had to write my father-in-law’s obituary. It is not the first obituary I have written. I’ve written my father’s, my aunt’s, and my grandmother’s. They are always hard to write because of the loss. But if you can step outside of the pain, they are also an interesting thing to think about—how do you sum up a life in a limited number lines. Remember, it costs about $10.00 for each line of 30-35 characters (at least in Minneapolis).
In some ways, an obituary is like a good story. It is about character. What elements made that person who he or she was. And what do you choose to highlight? What do you want people to remember? What do you want people to know that they might not have?
My teenage daughter asked if people actually read the obituaries; “I mean, when they don’t know that someone is going to be listed,” she said. I told her it was a little like facebook. Instead of finding out what so and so is doing; it’s finding out that so and so has died. But after her question, I started inquiring among friends and it is interesting how many people do read the obituaries.
Someone said they liked to read the long ones until they got boring and then they would go on to the next one. A few people said they always read the obits of those who died young. One said they wanted to know what caused it. “I usually guess cancer,” she told me. Someone else said they also liked to check out the ages of the very old–those who lived past 100. “I look at them and think oh the poor dear.”
I think we are always aware of our own mortality and so there is something interesting about death. Life and death, joy and sorrow they are ultimately tied together.
So do you read the obituaries? If and when you do, what draws you to read more deeply? What do you look for? And out of curiosity how many of your favorite books have a main character who dies?
I don’t read the obits, but probably because I no longer get the local paper. I read all of my news online. I think I would if I still got the paper.
Many of my favorite books have a character who dies. I’ve heard that creative writing profs often ask students to write an obit for their favorite characters, but I didn’t really take any creative writing classes so I don’t know if that’s true. All of that said, I have written a book with a protagonist who works in the obit department of a major newspaper.
Comment by thewritingrunner — September 5, 2008 @ 3:09 am |
I don’t read the obits, and I never really enjoy books with main characters who die. I get attached to them, you know? I want them to continue to live long and fulfilling lives, even after the book ends. Though I do like John Irving’s “A Prayer for Owen Meany.”
I mostly just think about death in the abstract. I’m not yet at the point where I’m comfortable with it on a personal level. I’ve been extremely lucky in that everyone to whom I’m close is still around, so I haven’t had the experience of dealing with such a tragedy.
And yet, I’ve somehow become the designated eulogy-writer for my extended family. I’ve been working on one for my 105-year-old great-grandmother for a while now, at her daughter’s request. She’s not even dead yet.
Comment by Ann — September 5, 2008 @ 3:04 pm |